My mum’s cousin died today.

I knew her by name and by the stories my close family told about her, but I’d only met her a few times. I don’t actually know much about her life at all—certainly none of the things family historians normally write about. But one Christmas, she touched my heart with a small act of kindness.

It was a pretty typical Christmas—back home to spend time with my family, eat some food, open some presents, feel a bit overstimulated. New that year though, was an evening visit from she and her husband. It was a really lovely evening and full of more juicy family gossip than I ever could have dreamed. She brought us a few small gifts too, including one that didn’t end up being given. I didn’t find out about this last gift until afterwards, but the last she’d heard, I was dating someone who she expected would be there for Christmas, so she bought him a little something. Little did she know though, we had broken up a few months earlier. She mentioned this last gift to my mum on their way into the house and stashed it, maybe to not bring up any upset feelings.

Well, in very queer fashion, seven-or-so years later, that person who I had dated is still one of my best friends. They’re someone who I’m excited to have in my life for the rest of my life. The fact that she heard of him and, without even knowing him, prepared to treat him like family… it really warmed my heart. It also meant that she and my mum had talked about me being queer and her response was to choose love. This is why this little story means so much to me. Family is difficult when you’re queer. It’s scary when you’re queer. You long for family but worry that they won’t accept you. You’re haunted with the spectre of the possibility that people will revoke their love. And that spectre doesn’t go away for as long as you hold onto hope and crave the love and support of family.

And she chose love likely never knowing any of this. And perhaps never really realising that something so small could mean so much. I’m glad to be left with this one memory of her.

Rest in Love.